What makes him tick?
Why are we so different?

Do you ever wonder why someone always has to “pick” something apart? Why do they ask for so much detail? And that other person who always seems so disorganized but has time to chit chat with everyone? And how about that other fellow who is always so bossy? Then there is that other person; nice, gets along with everyone, never rocks the boat, never goes out on a limb. Nothing seems to upset him. Sure wish he would take a stand sometimes.

Why can’t they all be like you? Perfect in every way! Of course you know what everyone says about you.

You have just heard four different behavioral styles described. I’m sure one of them sounds a little like you. Of course it depends upon what type of situation you are in. The point is that we are all different and that is OK. Different situations can bring out the best and the worst in each of us.

The key is learning to adapt to others when the situation calls for it. If we understand others and ourselves we have a better chance of doing just that. Yes, there are a lot of instruments available that can give insight into your personality or behavior patterns. The well-known Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) talks about the traits we are born with. It says we demonstrate these behaviors in every situation. 

Its roots go back to Dr. Carl Jung who was interested in pathology and determined that preferences emerge early in life and make behaviors predictable. His protégé Isabel Myers Briggs developed the MBTI to establish individual preferences and promote a constructive use of these differences between people. 

Another behavioral instrument, DiSC is based on the work of behaviorist William Moulton Marston. He worked during the same period as Carl Jung and Isabel Myers Briggs. He, however, was interested in how people felt and behaved as they interacted in the world around them.

We have learned a lot from the work of these behaviorists over the years. It is our perception of situations, events, and people that determine our reactions to them. For example, Maria quietly listens to what her boss has to say without making any comments. She quietly leaves the office and goes back to work. The boss delivers the same message to Sally. She is commenting and asking questions. Why such different reactions? One could be a cultural difference. Maria would be happy if she were just left alone to do her job. She was taught not to question those in authority. Sally, on the other hand, likes to interact with people and was raised to have a two-way conversation with everybody she encounters.

Another reason might be that Maria is shy, quiet, and prefers not to participate in what is going on; rather, she is an observer. She likes her job and the details she must watch for. On the other hand, Sally doesn’t like the details of her job. She much prefers to be interacting with people. She is always trying to find an easier way to do the job so she can spend time chatting with others. She suggests ways she would like to simplify things and eliminate the continuous checking of the smallest detail. The boss is frustrated with her and keeps telling her to stop visiting with others and just do her job.

Well, if the boss understood behaviors a little better he may not say that Sally was difficult but understand that she may be better suited for a different job. One where she could have more people involvement. Maybe inside sales. At the same time, what could he do to encourage Maria to share her ideas? Maybe he could ask her about the problems she faces and what might be potential solutions.

We all have different talents and things we enjoy doing. What can we do to help those talents flourish and how can we develop in some areas that are not strengths? For example, the speaker who is excellent at presenting but when not in front of an audience just keeps talking. He drives everyone nuts. Or, the guy who will take the initiative to tackle a new challenge but when it’s time to back down in a meeting, he doesn’t. 

Certainly we can learn from others. Maybe that outspoken, energetic guy can learn about diplomacy from the guy who gets along with everyone. First we must realize what we are doing and how it impacts others. Sometimes that is information we don’t want to hear. Hopefully, whoever we ask will deliver it in a gentle and caring way along with suggestions on how to make improvements.

The world is a large and yet small place. We all come in contact with each other and must learn to get along. With more technology, it is easier to become somewhat impersonal. Nevertheless, the personal touch must not be lost. We need to effectively communicate with each other on a variety of levels. Keep in mind that perception is reality. We can’t always undo or take back what we have said or done. So the best behavior is to think before we act. How can we deal with those other behaviors? What is it in our behavior that upsets others?

In addition, it is important to keep in mind that some people believe they have no control over their environment while others believe they can control their environment: that you are never going to change. You just need to understand that the environment is perceived differently. To some it is friendly and to others it is not. For example, during a team meeting one person is pleased a decision is made and all the members agree. Meanwhile someone else worries the team did not make the right decision.

Remember, we can all learn more about ourselves. It doesn’t matter how old you are; you can change your behaviors, if you wish. You can also learn to adapt to others’ behaviors. The Myers-Briggs is a widely used tool to help you understand yourself and others. The DiSC is also an internationally accepted instrument. It is simpler to use than the Myers-Briggs and therefore is easier to remember since it focuses on only four different behavior patterns.

You might think, it was easier to communicate when we were a smaller group. We didn’t seem to have all these problems. Now we have a few more people and it is so hard to get everyone to get along with each other.

The biggest and most prevalent complaint in all organizations, no matter what their size or industry, is lack of effective communication. Open your communication and improve it. Learn to work and communicate better with one another because you understand one another better. This is practical information that can improve performance and productivity.

I wonder what we can do? How can we keep what works and fix those things that don’t work? Contact the Bresnahan Group at 505-922-1973 or BresGroup @ 4u.net. We would be happy to work with you.

© the Bresnahan Group 10/00

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